Whether you found this blog through my Twitter, Niteflirt profile, or the magic of SEO, I’m glad you’re here! My intention with this blog is to give you an insider-look into the life and mind of a nerdy libidinous sex worker.
Let me introduce myself: My name is Vandee Lovelace. As of the writing of this post, I am a 23-year-old math student living in the Pacific Northwest. In addition to studying mathematics at the undergraduate level, I am currently completing an online mini-degree in front-end web development. (Fun fact: I received a scholarship for this front-end program from Google!)
Looking a the details of my day-to-day, you’d have no idea that I lead such a scandalous life. During school, you’ll find me in the library or in the front row of lectures. Off-campus, I like to read for pleasure. I’m currently reading Pema Chödrön’s When Things Fall Apart. I’m looking forward to diving into Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are next.
My romantic life is pretty non-traditional, and this is where you start to see inklings of my true self. I have several romantic partners; some will call this polyamory, but I prefer the term non-monogamy. I practice consensual non-monogamy, meaning that all of my partners know about and consent to my being in other relationships. Additionally, they are free to enter into romantic relationships with others. Non-monogamy is a recurring theme in my life. If you’d like a comprehensive guide to non-monogamy, I highly recommend Franklin Veaux’s and Eve Rickert’s More Than Two.
Another recurring theme in my life is BDSM. The majority of my partners are involved in a Dominant/submissive dynamic with me. I have found that power exchange relationships are very satisfying for me, no matter which part I play. I have more experience being submissive, but I attribute this to societal stuff more so than any innate preference; I prefer them equally.
As a submissive, my interests revolve around being forced to do things that get my Dominant off. It’s not that I don’t like pleasing my Dominant; I just want that pleasure to come from something I’m “forced” to do. (I put forced in quotes because, of course, I’m not being forced to do anything.) As with many kinks, there’s some complicated psychology around this preference. I may delve into that at another time; for now, suffice it to say that it gets me off.
As a Dominant, my interests are ever-evolving. This is where most of my writing will focus, as these are the aspects of my sexuality that I most enjoy exploring. If being forced is the yin, the yang is forcing. Particularly, I like forcing men to do what I want. I especially like forced orgasms, blackmail/financial domination, and hypnosis. I also very much enjoy body worship. I’ll explore these and other topics in posts to come.
In the deep South, people weren’t vocal about their fetishes like they are here in the Pacific Northwest. My experiences with fetishism started when I was stripping. I remember thinking it was weird the first time someone commented on the attractiveness of my feet. I got the compliment several times during my six-month stint in the strip club.
I ended up leaving my post as fresh-faced stripper pretty early in the game. I took a brief break from sex work (and work in general) to travel. I have tons of sex and generally just insane travel stories from this trip, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
I came back after a few weeks in Europe, very broke and failing all of my classes. I spent the next semester financially recushioning myself with the scholarships I had lost, and then I decided to take my next steps into sex work as a cam girl.
Just kidding. It didn’t happen like that at all. I went on Kink.com because I was horny one night and wanted to see how much a membership would run me. Being that I was, as previously mentioned, very broke, I was not able to afford it at the time. But I saw an advertisement, to the effect of “Work for Kink.” In my late-night, high-libido state of mind, I thought: Kink will hire me to do sex stuff for them, and I can convince them to give me a free membership. So I filled out the form and thought little of it.
Upon reviewing my inbox later in the week, I found an email to the regard of my would-be employment with Kink. Again, pretty cluelessly, I filled out the form and sent in the requested documentation. A few days later, I was approved to work for Kink! Whoa! Sweet.
Then I realized I’d actually signed up to be a model for the the webcam-based adjunct to Kink, KinkLive.com. Balls-deep in homework assignments and very behind on studying, I devoted the next week of my life to camming on KinkLive. It broadened the shit out of my horizons, and I took a break.
Let me back up, because, if you’re not familiar with Kink and their material, you might not realize why camming for their primary audience would be so… illuminating. At 20 years old, I joined the best fetish content-producing community to date. Having no fetish experience of my own at that time, I was effectively initiated into kink by a bunch of horny, delightfully demented men on the internet. I know none of their names. A few of them who have followed me into my phone sex career, but, for the large part, these guys had a fundamental effect on my sexuality and I don’t know any of them.
Before that fateful week, a foot fetish seemed terribly kinky and scandalous. After that week, I lost all perspective on what a “normal” sexuality looks like, and I haven’t worked hard to figure it out since.
I loved the exploratory aspect of camming, but some things about it were too similar to stripping for my tastes: the hypersexual visual fraudulence of it, and having to use that to lure in customers. That’s probably a blog post of its own, so I’ll leave it there for now. Let me also be clear: these issues with camming and stripping are only rooted in my own comfort level and are in no way a statement about the professions and the wonderful sexy professionals who engage in them.
At some point during my camming career, I signed up for Niteflirt. The financial domination community I networked with had good things to say about it, and I thought it would fill the gaps between cam shows. I had no idea it would become my primary source of income.
Because who the fuck does phone sex anymore?